Cover Me: The Endurance Run
Written By Marion and posted on: 10-08-08
Originally written for MaroonX by Marion, The Flyin' Jew, and Fallin1 on 12-9-05
Much like I said about making fun of cosplayers in my cosplay articles, if you're anyone that knows me, you know cover songs are a huge passion of mine. Out of 7000 mp3s I own, about 700 are cover songs. Ridiculous, I know. Some of them are good, some are bad, and some are just plain fucking insane. System Of A Down adding lyrics to the Legend Of Zelda theme? I got it. People butchering classic by not even knowing the words? Check! Classical versions of Metallica songs? Yep, got those. Some crazy Jap dudes covering Gangsta's Paradise? ...you guessed it. I've got it. Now I'm sure there's people with just as much or more of a cover addiction as I, such as the owner of Copy, Right?, a cover song mp3 blog I frequent, but I feel I'm just as qualified as the next person to talk about this, so dammit, I'm going to! And to help me do so, filling in for the lazy, procrastinating Jew, is THI staffer Fallin1, whose qualifications are pretty much limited to the fact I send him about 85% of the weird cover shit I find and him doing spoken word covers of Dr. Seuss and other children's books. On a bright note, Dr Seuss would be far less offended than Lou Reed or System Of A Down should be as a result of some of the songs we're gonna look at today.
First up, I wanted to show you all how a cover should sound. Figured we'll start off with something great, because it's only gonna go downhill from here...
Note: A short sample clip of each song has been provided in an attempt to
Bonfire - Sweet Home Alabama
Marion: Now this is everything a cover should be. It stays true to the original, but kicks up the music just enough to rock your motherfucking face off. Also, it's one of the only tracks off the Great Metal Covers II CD I downloaded that doesn't make me wanna kick the ever-loving shit out of the singer, as this group's singer actually managed to get Satan to relinquish his hold over him long enough to record this song without that typical, metal growl that sounds like they're auditioning for voice work in The Exorcist.
Fallin: I have to agree. This is one of the best cover songs I have heard, right up there with Johnny Cash covering I Won't Back Down or Johnny Cash covering Hurt. While I have not heard the CD in question if it is anything like 90% of the tribute CD's out there then this group definitely deserves an award for staying true to the original song while adding just a dash of their own style; that and not doing the stereotypical Satan has a firm grip on my testicles metal scream o' doom.
Marion: I give this 5 metal horns out of 5!
Fallin: 5 metal horns out of 5!
Foo Fighters - Variety Pack (Tiny Dancer, Darling Nikki, With Arms Wide Open, and Stairway To Heaven)
Marion: I love Dave Grohl. I think the guy does great music, he's very talented, and most importantly, funny. This group of songs shows exactly what the guy can do. Darling Nikki's a harder rocking version of the classic Prince tune that stays on the serious side. It's just the Foo Fighters rocking out on an awesome song. With Arms Wide Open shows the exact flipside of that. It's just Grohl being an ass and ripping the way the original was done in very amusing, typical Grohl fashion. The most surprising of the bunch though, that makes you wonder if Dave Grohl's a fucking lunatic or a goddamn genius, would have to be Stairway to Heaven. Both Stairway and Tiny Dancer kinda ride the line between serious, good-sounding music, and Dave Grohl joke song, however Stairway grabs that shit and throws it out of Grohl's house like DJ Jazzy Jeff getting thrown out on The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air. After four and a half minutes of mumbling through the song and getting the words wrong, and in the greatest act of musical ability, doing the Stairway guitar solo with mouth noises, Grohl kicks it into high gear and just rocks the fuck out. As he hits those final lyrics, you start to get the feeling he's just been fucking with you this whole time while pretending to not know the words, just to lull you into a false sense of security before he kicks you in square in the balls with awesomeness. Foo Fighters' covers never fail to amuse me.
Fallin: So yeah I'm not a big fan of the Foo Fighters in general but I have to say that these covers did make me giggle like Jeff Hardy as he climbed up on a ladder and felt like a princess. It may just be me but Grohl sounded like Adam Sandler in his cover of Arms Wide Open. I got a very Happy Gilmore feel from him....or maybe it was Billy Madison....or Mr. Deeds. Oh fuck it, any character Sandler has played since leaving SNL. And seeing how I've never heard the original version of Darling Nikki I can't really judge how good it is compared to it, so I'll just have to take Capt. >_<'s word on it. I can't even begin to comment on Stairway to Heaven either since I am a crazy ADHD kid and don't have the attention span to sit still and listen to the whole fucking 8 min song.
As I was waiting for Marion to me tell what to listen to next, Stairway to Heaven finally finished and I think Grohl was just drunk when he started to sing this song. That and he still has that fucking Adam Sandler voice going on.
Marion: I give this 4 Stairways to Heaven out of 5!
Fallin: 3 1/2 Stairways to Heaven out of 5.
Iron Horse - Unforgiven
Marion: Remember that weird shit I mentioned earlier? This is some of it. I got this off the Fade To Bluegrass CD after finally tracking it down. You read that right. Metallica. Meets. Bluegrass. If you've ever seen A Mighty Wind, it's kinda that type of music. The scary thing about it though is that it's really not as bad as you'd expect. It's kinda cool actually, even if a little surreal hearing Unforgiven plucked out on a banjo. The music's well performed and they harmonize surprisingly well...something I never thought I'd say to describe a Metallica song.
Fallin: Bluegrass covering Metallica? What the fuck kind of torture is this!? Like I don't hear enough of this shit from all the goddamn hicks in my hometown as it is, now I have to be tortured into actually listening to this garbage. Now I know why DP refuses to work with you again. I swear I kept thinking I was gonna hear dueling banjos break out at any second.
Marion: I give this 3 banjos out of 5!
Fallin: 2 banjos out of 5.
Marion: It's not my fault he's so susceptible to possession by the spirit of Axl Rose! He's not even dead yet! He shouldn't even be able to have that happen! He's clearly got issues that go deeper than Full Metal Alchemist cosplayers.
With that, we move onto our next song, which is sure to send Justin scurrying to close the browser...
Guns 'n Roses - Knockin' On Heaven's Door
Marion: A classic cover to a classic tune. This is the ultimate cover success story. GnR made this song theirs with this version. Hell, I'm willing to bet a large percentage of the people that've heard this song think Axl wrote it himself and that Bob Dylan's just some punkass wannabe trying to steal Axl's songs. You can't really say anything bad about this song. You just can't. Well, I suppose you could bitch that there's no Buckethead on it, but then I'd have to slap you for being a fucking asshole!
Fallin: Ah, now here we have a fairly decent cover song, and one I've actually heard before! Anything with Slash is always good.....well almost anything. Underground Comedy Movie is the exception to that. Now all it needs is some more Full Axl Alchemist.
Marion: I give this 5 Full Axl Alchemists out of 5!
Fallin: 5 Full Axl Alchemists out of 5.
Justin: I USED TO LOVE HER! BUT I HAD TO KILL HER! I USED TO LOVE HER! BUT I I HAD TO KILL HER! I HAD TO PUT HER, SIX FEET UNDER ...AND I STILL HEAR HER COMPLAIN...
I told you to stop that, you son of a bitch! I hate you!
Fallin: Sorry about that. I should have locked the door behind me. Let's just move on.
Wyclef Jean - Kenny Rogers-Pharoahe Monch Dub Plate
Marion: It's good to know Puff Daddy's not the only black man able to ruin music. Was Kenny on drugs when he agreed to do this? KENNY ROGERS IS TELLING ME TO COUNT MY "DUB-PLATES"! WHY? What the fuck is a dub plate? Where is the real Kenny Rogers? This has gotta be some evil Kenny cyborg, because the real Kenny Rogers is a much kinder, gentler man than to unleash this on us.
sampled What's Love Got To Do With It for the chorus of a song asking "What's Clef got to do with this?" What's Clef got to do with this? A fucking hell of a lot! No one's making you do this shit! Diddy didn't hold a gun to your head and demand you go down in flames with him! STOP THIS SHIT!
Fallin: I have another good question for you too, where the fuck is the country side at? Is it on the opposite side of the ghetto? Would they refer to Wyclef as "boy" and tell him that he has a purty mouth over on the country side? Does the word mayonnaise mean that there is a lot of something over on the country side? Who the fuck green lights stuff like this? Country music + rap = crap, especially Cowboy Troy.
Marion: 1 out of 5 Escalades.
Fallin: 2 out of 5 Escalades.
Rumal Noorkuu - Smells Like Teen Spirit
Marion: Ahh....much better. Still looking for that weird shit I was talking about? Iron Horse not quite do it for you? Enter: Rumal Noorkuu. Not only is this the Nirvana hit done acapella, but done acapella by Japanese guys, with quite noticeable accents at times during the song! For some reason it just makes me giggle everytime I hear him sing about an "albeeno" as well as the overpronunciation of some other lines in the song. Overall, not a bad song. Fairly amusing, fairly unique, and much, much better than that shitty Wyclef song.
Fallin: What the fuck? ......Acapella.....sang by Japs? Where the fuck do you find this shit Marion? Granted, this is much better than Wyclef the Gambler and does make me giggle a little bit as well but it's just missing something.....maybe a little more Godzilla. Oh come on acapella Godzilla would own. And if you criticized him he'd just step on you or eat you. Think of the record sales!
Marion: 3 1/2 Ling-Lings out of 5.
Fallin: 4 Ling-Lings out of 5.
Sevendust - Hurt (Dedicated to Johnny Cash)
Marion: Since Jew's not actually getting to write in this article, I'm gonna sum this song up with a fragment of our conversation as this article was being planned.
[01:35] AJewThatCanFly: dude
[01:35] AJewThatCanFly: Sevendust covering Hurt
[01:35] AJewThatCanFly: they covered a cover of a song
[01:35] AJewThatCanFly: thinking that it was his song and not him covering NIN
[01:35] Ninja Marion: eh...nothing spectacular, plus they got some words wrong
[01:35] AJewThatCanFly: exactly
[01:35] AJewThatCanFly: they are idiots
[01:35] AJewThatCanFly: that is the single greatest act of idiocy ever
The song itself wasn't done too badly, although there is at least one line where they sang from the wrong verse, and as pointed out up there, they did, in fact, do this as a cover of Johnny Cash's version, even saying something along the lines of. "Johnny Cash, people. The first!"
Trent would not be happy.
Fallin: I thought we were supposed to be reviewing bad cover songs Marion. Not the typical song you expect to hear from Sevendust and that's what makes it so good. I think that they did a pretty decent job other than a few words being screwed up. All in all not too bad of a job.
Marion: I give them 3 Joaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash's out of 5
Fallin: 3 1/2 Joaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash's out of 5
The Wiggles - Take A Walk On The Wild Side
Fallin: GAH! What the fuck is this? Why the fuck is a children's group singing Take A Walk On The Wild Side and why the fuck do you have it in your collection? This song just sits there and sort of just mocks me as I am too speechless to even think of a way to insult it.
Marion: Ask and ye shall receive. You wanted bad covers, you got it...and what's worse, is that I think there's still one worse than this being saved for later in the article. Anyways...who hasn't heard the original of this? It's a classic. A classic involving cross-dressing, being a whore, and drug use. So why in the fuck are The goddamn Wiggles covering this??? As one would expect, their version doesn't have near as much oral sex, except maybe once they got done recording it. In one of the most sickening musical insults ever, they even change the famed "Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo" part, opting instead for "colored skivvies" to sing "Red, red, red, yellow and blue." I want to fucking punch someone.
Fallin: Negative 5 crying Lou Reeds out of 5
Marion: The same. Negative 5 crying Loud Reeds out of 5. Fuck The Wiggles!
I need something that's actually good after that horrid crap. So with that, our next song is...
Incubus & Big Pun - Still Not A Playa
Marion: I don't remember how or where I found this so many moons ago, but I'm glad I did. This is yet another of those "What in the fuck? ....hey, this is actually pretty cool" covers. You may be thinking this can't be what I claim it is, but it is actually just that, Incubus playing rock guitar to Big Pun vocals of Still Not A Playa, with the lead singer of Incubus doing the vocals on the chorus. It's good. Real good, surprisingly. It's also interesting compared to your typical cover. A definite improvement to the original. Not really much I can make fun of to this, aside from the fact that Big Pun's dead, and am I really a big enough asshole to go there? Yes, but I'm not going to! Hah! Take that!
Now if only 50 Cent would follow suit...
Fallin: Wow.....this is actually good.....how the fuck did that happen. I saw this file and I was think we were gonna have a Limp Bizkit moment complete with a poorly rapping white guy and lots of bass. Who'd have thought that this would have turned out so well. I'm probably gonna actually keep this one when we are done.
Marion: 4 dead Big Pun heads out of 5
Fallin: 4 dead Big Pun heads out of 5
Dread Zeppelin - Stairway To Heaven
Fallin: Another stairway to heaven cover! Almost nine minutes for a song is just too long especially when they Ska'd it up. Fuck reviewing this one, I don't have the attention span.
Marion: Yeah, I can't really blame you. This one especially is on the long side, coming in at 2 1/2 minutes more than the Foo Fighters one. Dread Zeppelin is primarily a Led Zeppelin cover band, not surprisingly. Their songs are done reggae style, with an Elvis-like singer handling some of the vocal work. Definitely odd, and more likely than not, was inspired by lots....and lots of weed. As is the case with all reggae, it's fairly laid back, and thus doesn't rock out nearly as much as Grohl's version. Recommended if you're stoned out of your mind, but too long and boring otherwise.
3 Stairways to Heaven out of 5
The Scala Youth Choir - She Hates Me (Covered as He Hates Me)
Marion: Choir music....yep. You're reading that right. Puddle Of Mudd as covered by a youth choir. There's not a lot to say aside from the fact it greatly amuses me hearing a group of kids sing "He fucking hates me" and "After that, shit got sour" in choir form. Puddle Of Mudd's never sounded so righteous!
Fallin: A children's choir singing She Hates Me....now I've heard it all. What is really, really sad yet funny about this cover is it is better than the original. Puddle of Mudd have never sounded so good. Hell I don't think Godzilla acapella could do this better. The fact that they get a huge applause afterwards makes me laugh too.
Marion: I give it 3 1/2 crying children out of 5
Fallin: I give it 3 1/2 crying children out of 5
Fallin: ............MOTHERFUCKER! GODDAMN WIGGLES JUST CAME ON AGAIN! Fuck this! I'm out of here! Find someone else to put up with this shit!
*While on his way out, the lights start flashing yellow and blue, The Flyin' Jew's entrance music hits, pyro goes off, and he runs out and bashes Fallin1 in the skull with an X-Box, rendering him unconscious, and possibly dead.*
Jew: Cocksucker thought he could steal MY article? Not on his best day! And just to cement that fact, I'm gonna re-review The Wiggles!
The Wiggles - Take A Walk On The Wild Side
The Wiggles must be the gayest thing I have ever seen. What the HELL is wrong with us to subject our children to this blatant homosexuality? We worry about Hot Coffee in videogames, yet we turn around and encourage THIS? It's a group of guys in skin tight purple shirts playing goofy songs and touching each other's asses. I can't lie though, it's really catchy, and the freaky sound effects make me giggle. I think it might just be catchy because I am a huge Lou Reed mark, which raises the better question: Why would a band of children's musicians be covering a song about prostitutes, drug hustlers, and transvestites?
Marion: Eh, guess it's better than sitting through this shit by myself. You at least get to share in the horror that is Avril...
Avril Lavigne - Chop Suey & Basket Case
Marion: Now I'm going to state right away that the only reason Basket Case is including is to show you that she can do a half-decent job of covering a song and doesn't always ruin them beyond belief, a fact I feel you'll need to keep in mind when you listen to Chop Suey. She doesn't so much "sing" the song as she does violently sodomize it with a belt sander. This is honestly the worst song I've ever heard. The one good thing you can say about her is that her band plays decently. Unfortunately that's the only thing. Horribly offkey, screaming and screeching, and not even knowing the words. I know it's not cool to hit women, but listen to that song and tell me you don't wanna take even one little punch at her. You can't, because it makes you want to!
Jew: Avril Lavigne is the absolute WORST thing to ever, ever, EVER happen to music... but I would still fuck her violently while singing the songs that she covers. Basket Case is okay except for one important part, Avril herself. Her voice is HORRIBLE. Her Chop Suey cover is just ridiculous. She sounds like a drunk thirteen year old having a temper tantrum. I think at one point she actually doesn't know the words and just shouts "LALALA." Actually, she burps in the middle of it. The band knows they're terrible, and actually apologizes at the end, and not even a "LOL we know we suck" apology, it's an outright "I'm really sorry about this whole thing" apology. The curse of Avril is running wild, as every single song she covers dooms the original band to suckitude. Green day? They suck. System of a down? Getting there! She even covered Fuel for MTV's Metallica Icon, which made THI NUMBAH ONE FAN slit his wrists shortly after. You know what happened after that cover song? ST. ANGER HAPPENED! St. Anger to this day is the only CD that my friends and I have banned from driving, because every time we have put it on in the car, we have gotten into an accident, or been run off the road, or had a stoned Cactus Chris almost powerslide us to our deaths in the snow. I blame it all on Avril. In fact I blame all bad music ever on Avril.
Marion: Negative 5 retarded, drooling Avril heads out of 5
Jew: Negative 5 retarded, drooling Avril heads out of 5
Green Day - Eye Of The Tiger
Jew: JEWFACT: Jew absolutely loves Eye Of The Tiger. In fact he bases his entire existence around this song.
There are good covers and there are bad covers. I have no idea what the fuck this is. If it were up to me, I would have chosen to review CKY's version, which is a million times funnier and better.
Wait...what the fuck? Is that Metallica right at the end?
Marion: "Risin' up. Bada da-da." HORRIBLE. They didn't even know half the words. If you don't know the song, don't do it! Don't "bada ba-da" your way through the fucking theme to Rocky! If Sylvester Stallone were still alive, I'm sure he'd punch them for this cover! What? Stallone's still alive? And he hasn't beaten the shit outta them for this cover? Christ, even Rocky's gone soft on us...
Jew: I remember Rocky. That movie shaped my life. I cried when Apollo Creed died. I cheered when Rocky single-handedly defeated communism and freed the Soviet Union. I felt justified for booing Mr. T. Kids need Rocky in their lives more than they need Jesus. I pity the fool who don't watch Rocky.
Marion: I give it only 1 George Bush head out of 5.
Jew: 5 George Bush heads out of 5, but only because of the Metallica at the end!
Nina Gordon - Straight Outta Compton
Jew: I think before we get into this excellent song, we should have a little bit of backstory:
"Ninja Gordon introduced us to the young ninja warrior, Ryu Hayabusa. In the beginning, Ryu's father (Ken) is shown doing battle with another ninja. Ken is defeated, and apparently dead. Back in Japan, Ryu discovers a note from his missing father, explaining his whereabouts.
The note explains that it is very possible that Ryu's father may not come home again, and if that is the case, then Ryu must take their family sword (The Dragon Sword) and journey to America to see one of his father's colleagues, Walter Smith. On reading the note, Ryu fears the worst, but vows to obey his father's wishes and get revenge, if need be."
Marion: No, no, Jew. Nina Gordon, not Ninja Gordon or Gaiden. You knew that was a typo, asshole!
One of the best covers ever. It does just about everything right!
A: Female covering a song originally done by a male. It just gives the song an added surprisingness, and a certain sweet, gentleness to it.
B: Complete genre change. She takes this song from one of the first gangsta rap hits to this soft, pretty ballad. When done right, as she has, this makes for some of the most interesting covers you can find
C: Swearing with a pretty voice. Fuck just sounds so much nicer when said by an angel...
D: A cover that improves on the original. Let's face it. The original fucking sucks. I heard this song without having ever heard the original. So I searched for it thinking it'd be even remotely decent. It's not. Whereas hers is nothing but pretty and melodic, NWA couldn't find a melody if they shot it in a drive-by.
Jew: I'm a sucker for great female voices, and I'm a sucker for gangsta rap. Put those two together and we have a song that I will be listening to on repeat for a while.
OMG EMO MOMENT!
For some reason this song reminded me of this amazing girl I know. She can sing like an angel, and play the guitar well, and she's nobody's bitch on the piano. She's beautiful and a lot of fun to talk to, and loves egg nog almost as much as I do. Fact being, she's perfect for me.
Chances are she ends up with some douchebag with "commitment issues" who only wants to nail her, while me, a guy that really likes her for who she is, gets left out in the cold AGAIN.
Shit man, I'm writing a song about this.
END EMO MOMENT!
Marion: What the fuck is wrong with you? You go from Ninja Gordon to that??? Anyway....5 ice cubes out of 5.
Jew: Shut up! You saw nothing! 5 out of 5 ice cubes.
The Delltones - Pretty Vacant
Marion: Another great song that easily surpasses a shitty, shitty original. Who knew doo-wop covers of Sex Pistols songs could be so awesome? The Delltones, obviously! You pay attention for shit! Anyways, this song is fantastic. It's got an awesome 50's doo-wop vibe going and does it to perfection. I wanna find more stuff by these guys! Did I mention that they managed to make this as awesome as they did out of a horrible, horrible original? Because if not, I'd just like to point out that the Sex Pistols version sucks ass. A lot of it. This doesn't. Give it a listen!
Jew: There's nothing special about this song to me. It sounds exactly like the old one. I think...actually I haven't heard the old one in so long....
So today this little kid came up to me asking for an X-Box 360, and had a huge grin on his face, like he was holding back a hearty laugh. I of course couldn't resist laughing at him, and then he bursts out giggling, and his mom comes over to see what the fuss was, and a coworker that I had told about it who was laughing too told her that the kid asked for a X-Box 360, and SHE started laughing, and called her husband on her cellphone and HE started laughing.
Marion: ....WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU RAMBLING ABOUT? What does ANY of that have to do with this song? Not only that, but the original was nothing like this! It's a goddamn punk song! A shitty, shitty punk song, not fucking doo-wop! I hate you so goddamn much!
Jew: *Sad emoticon*
Marion: You are so fucking fired after this article...
I give it 3 1/2 50's-style diners out of 5.
Jew: 2 50's-style diners out of 5.
Tori Amos - '97 Bonnie & Clyde
Marion: ....Tori Amos covering Eminem? What the fuck? This is definitely not something I'd have ever just expected out of the blue. You guys think Eminem's scary when he's yelling in Kim? He doesn't hold a candle to Tori. This song's fucking creepy. I think it'd give me nightmares if I were to listen to this while I was trying to go to sleep. I'd probably end up dreaming about Tori Amos trying to murder me, shoving me in a trunk, and driving the car off a pier. Keep that crazy bitch away from me!!!
Jew: I find this song rather soothing. I mean, people threaten to kill me every day, and people try to kill me every day, so this is nothing new to me. I find an eerie sense of calm in her soothing words. Listening to this actually gives me a sense that everything will be okay, which is scary in itself.
Marion: 3 Eminems with dynamite out of 5
Jew: 4 Eminems with dynamite out of 5
Hurra Torpedo - Total Eclipse Of The Heart
Marion: This just fucking rocks. There's not much you can say about it to do it justice. A Norwegian band that plays appliances....while showing off lots of man-ass. It's just so damn catchy and well done, too. The dude with long hair plays a wicked deep freezer, and creepy dude totally shreds on old, beat up stove. Sadly, their other covers are a bit too "industrial" for my tastes, but this song will always hold a special place in my heart, as it marks the first time I've ever heard such magical, amazing music come out of a deep freezer, an old stove, and what looks like some kind of grill. I salute you, Hurra Torpedo!
Jew: I only need one word to sum this song up...
Marion: 5 deep freezers out of 5!
Jew: Eleventy billion deep freezers!
Marion: Um...I need a real number, Jew.
Jew: Oh. Uh, then 5 out of 5.
Boss Hoss - Hey Ya
Marion: It's German cowboys covering a rap song....it's like a sick, twisted, bizarro version of Cowboy Troy.
Shake a Jew instead of shaking a fist!
It's interesting to say the least, but it's ridiculously packed with cowboyness. Good for a laugh.
Jew: Boss Hoss is freaking weird. Being a big fan of Outkast, I don't think this song is given justice, but it's an interesting approach nonetheless. Now what I would rather hear is a techno remix.
Marion: 3 out of 5 disembodied bizarro Cowboy Troy heads.
Jew: 4 out of 5 disembodied bizarro Cowboy Troy heads.
Evil Adam - Genie In A Bottle
Marion: Fuck this. I'm taking a break. You review this shit for awhile, Jew.
Jew: Sure. Now it's no secret that I am a whore for pop music sometimes, and Genie In A Bottle is no exception. Now mix with that my love for obscure remakes, and industrial, and you get something I could definitely enjoy.
The best use of this song though, is for crashing cars.
No, don't scroll up. I said "crashing cars" and didn't mention St. Anger. One of my favorite uses of this song is to blast it while playing Burnout 3, and smashing my super lightweight sportscar headfirst into trucks, busses, and other assorted vehicles, flying through the air, crashing to the ground, and exploding.
That's kind of how I feel while listening to most of the songs Marion sends me actually.
I give it five out of five exploding racecars.
William Shatner - Rocketman
Jew: Marion's still gone, so this one's mine too. Wow....this song sucks. It makes me want to kill people. William Shatner sounds really drunk.
Five seconds after listening to this, my roommate strangled a stuffed animal with a metal wire, and was then reduced to a sobbing mess on the floor.
I give it 1 sobbing roommate out of 1.
Ben Folds - Bitches Ain't Shit
Marion: Another of those genre-changing covers that I mentioned earlier. Hearing a white guy talk about his bitch having a nigga on sprung and referring to himself as Snoop Eastwood amuses me greatly. Also, once again, it's better than the original. It makes me forget how much I hate rap. Wyclef doesn't.
Jew: This song is great, but it sucks compared to Dynamite Hack's "Boys In The Hood" cover. Marion, why the fuck didn't you choose that one?
Marion: Because I like this one better, goddamn you! You're lucky you even have a job after that X-Box shit up there! Now just shut up and review the fucking song!
Jew: Whatever. This song is pretty true to life, and it's something I could really relate to. This is great to leave on in the background while having a conversation with good friends and loved ones.
Marion: 4 1/2 wiggers out of 5
Jew: 4 wiggers out of 5, just because it isn't Boys In The Hood.
Puff Daddy - Come With Me
Jew: I think the entire thing can best be summed up with this.
Editor's note: Link is currently missing due to Smurf wiping out THI without Jew getting a chance to back anything up. It will be fixed if Jew can manage to get a backup of the article.
5 out of 5 Angry Marion heads.
Marion: That's it, you're fucking fired, asshole!
Jew: Eh, at least Fallin's dead.
Marion: Anyway..."FUCK MAH ENEMIES! FUCK MAH FOES! DAMN DEEZ HOS! YOU'RE STEPPIN' ON MAH TOES!" This man is a poet! Anyone that claims he's stepping on the legacy of Led Zeppelin obviously cannot appreciate such amazing genius and is just jealous of the talent that is Diddy! This man is a remix & sampling God and should be treated as such! What more can be said about the man that gave us Mo' Money, Mo' Problems, It's All About The Benjamins, and about 80 other songs that
Guess what, Diddy? I didn't vote!
I give it 5 out of 5 Godzillas.
And with that, we finally end our journey into the world of cover songs, but at what price? The loss of one writer, the firing of another, the loss of Kenny Rogers' dignity...WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END? Eh, who cares? I'm done here. Time to listen to something other than cover songs finally. I leave you with these final words of wisdom from the great God of Remix, P. Diddy:
"I WANNA FIGHT YOU
I'LL FUCKIN' BITE YOU
CAN'T STAND NOBODY LIKE YOU
YOU CAN'T RUN
YOU CAN'T HIDE
NO SURPRISE, CLOSE YOUR EYES, COME WITH ME!"